1. |
A Disease Called Hate
01:10
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marvel, oh sun
it's 11:45 am in a studio apartment burned to the ground
by a failed attempt at dinner for one
the stop and start lungs of the rubble and debris
grimace at the whisky warmed belly of my catastrophic rebirth
a virgin mary's forced mistake
taking shape as my two feet functioning again
much more concise
much more deliberate
much more hostile and spiteful
and vengeful and driven by only two things;
both halves of an angry brain,
hellbent on the desecration of a peace made
for the likes of every person i'll despise
forever and ever
marvel, oh sun
maybe i'll die, silent as a stab wound
or screaming on a bed of nails
missing the space where a joy breathed friendly
maybe i'll fall forever and ever into the pitch black
and all will be saved from the boom of my fury
maybe i'll find love in the shape of chords that paint a masterpiece of loneliness
libel on myself
pretend it's all fine and pretend that it's not dying and pretend that it's not dead and
pretend that it's again, again
two sides tell the story twenty melted fingers couldn't write
two mouths refuse the song
two ears feel the hate
so marvel, oh sun
it's 12 o'clock noon and i want the end of everything your god has deemed good
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2. |
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i forced the roaches from my mouth
and i forced my legs to solidify
i buried myself in your rocky headstarts
and wasted centuries on a simple line
i spent my life doing something that looked like sleep
and i dove headfirst into the sand
i skimmed your holy books, i treaded holier water
searching endlessly for land
i lost my faith in watering eyeballs
and placed it all in your carpet floors
i need my loneliness like a drug
i force deprivation like a chore
i'm empty space for empty people
i'm empty words taken jokingly
i am the time you thought you had
and you're what i've gotta fucking be
watch my face bleed desperation
watch my teeth spit sorry, sorry
my knees are covered in scrapes and bruises
from the unforgiving concrete
and i'm attracting flies
and sympathetic eyes
helping hands and unwelcome words
gorging my overflowing stomach with your praises
see the sense of self in all the shit you've heard
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3. |
Movie Buff
03:24
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I'm a lonely mess
I set out to make anger
but only carved this generic whimper
on cinder walls
I read your eyes
while I was speaking in riddles
while my vision was yellow and green
and not mine at all
and in retrospect I love to lose
a squirrely puft on an end
no choice to choose
I bite through my tongue
and I steal your words
they were never mine
but now they're neither yours
I'm a music box
without a handle
just a general shape
for you to lose interest in
I'm a boring god
demanding fucking treason
kill me quickly
and without reason
descending staircases, I'm draped
in piss soaked sheets a vigilantes cape
I ignored the heist and watched dozens die
from the safety of shadow I pretended to try
you move to leave and I exit first
I'm paranoid and well rehearsed
I'm theater, a 24 year show
I bleed the same as everyone you know
this constitution begets remorse
the winter came and put down the horse
hands to throat, they frostbit our skin
as the threat of safety showed its head again
the closet door came off the wall
I moved with feet half a foot too small
leapt from the window, expansive loss
as I bled to death over forget me nots
I don't want time to slow down
I don't need anchorage or medicine
I just need the pain I feel every waking second
to feel validated by at least a perceived meaning
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4. |
Good Cops Quit
01:17
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i've never met a cop that i didn't like
i've never been thrown from a car and feared for my life
i've shaken a dozen police hands and said "have a good day"
i've paid my tickets in full and i promptly drove away
but i'm no fucking class traitor, i know where my privilege stands
every cop is a class traitor, brutalizing my friends
i've never stared down a gun, afraid i could die
and chose my words so careful to match the "try me" in his eyes
because when the system's designed to find black folks dead
fuck your nice guy uncle! fuck your nice guy dad!
if they're complacent, they're complicit
if they're silent, they're the same
as every cop i've ever hated
every cop who's shed the blame
because i've never met a cop that i could like
when they're upholding all the violences that take my friends lives
you fucking chose to be blue, they didn't choose to be black
so if you're just doing your job, you don't deserve any slack
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5. |
Button Ups
03:16
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i don't think that i believe
a single word that comes from the paintings
and i don't think that i could see
another ending this fucking entertaining
i mop up my own blood
with my shaggy hair that everybody hates
a gentle reminder of my ugliest traits
i stay down, elbows cover my skull
bullets ricochet off of my last defense
i wouldn't want you to think that i could use a friend
(true silence,
it's alright
i feel gorgeous
when i laugh right
green defect
do your eyes move?
i wouldn't stay here
i wouldn't blame you)
i don't think that i should see
you've undone your top button like a joke on me
and i don't know if you're just pretend
i'll walk home alone in the cold again and again
and again and again and again
i grow old, i collapse alone
the funniest thing is this is just what i wanted
wandering hands and a knife to the stomach
i give thanks to be a last resort
a spitting image of a broken rowboat
the wave drowns me before i leave the port
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6. |
Tudors Prayer Circle
02:56
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i've been getting myself into situations
monsters around every corner where i can't notice
so beware, but be calm
it'll take your skin before it's done
just like the dog salivates for the bone
i'll avoid the helping hands before too long
and i've been walking around the house searching for heat waves
anything to shake the ice from these stubborn feet
because the drugs they just made me
the kind of skeleton that you can't see
the kind that's cold and unknown, like i've been home alone
since 1993, oh i could never be
so lucky
as to have everyone forget me
i wanna watch the world burn from way up high
and wonder what it was that drew me
to even try to speak
now i just swallow my teeth
you make me feel so small, like i don't matter at all
just like a bug missing it's wings
so tell me that i'm dumb
and tell me that i'm boring
i'm just as high as a knife
so happy to have you ignore me
so tell me that i'm dumb
and tell me that i'm boring
i'm just a bug in the night
so happy to have you ignore me
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7. |
Summit
03:32
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meant to be so meaningless
have you told your friends about me yet?
stories told among much less lonely friends
I know the song but don't know how it ends
facing backwards and walking straight
into traffic, past turnpike gates
follow no fathers, follow ghosts steady south
an indirect case study of the gun inside my mouth
happy, healthy for the night
this pen knows teeth only form to lie
I stand at alters and close my eyes
a stupid fucking held out long goodnight
oh, goodnight
pedals change my tone of breath
have you told your friends about me yet?
gracious, grateful, expect the least again
I fight for your eyeline like a war to win
wear my skin like winter wear
I cut my fingers and stretch my hair
around the ponds in parks,
around the fires in overturned trash cans
boozy mouth, cigarette hands
creep in softly from outside
climb in the walls and spend the night
break the mirror from inside
death and dying when life feels fine
life feels fine
~*blech*~
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8. |
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i'm driving high as a knife
down the interstate at 2:00 am
looking at passing hazard signs
i swore that i would never do this
but i've been trying new things,
trying to be something brave and bold
something to make you like me
and i'm moving fast,
breathing in and out
still have the taste of your sweat on my fucking mouth
and i see the car,
rolling half a dozen miles down pothole ridden road
and i feel uncomfortable
so hot and cold
and i've been given my grandmothers name
we all think our mothers got it wrong,
but we all turn out the fucking same
we're setting fires in the summer,
keeping hands inside the flame
it doesn't matter if the skin burns off,
it's all the fucking same
and i've been watching as the flag keeps it's height
it keeps on waving as black boys and girls lay dead in the streetlight
and as police laugh at their wrongdoings,
the courts sing praise to a ghoulish band
the chains defy the act of breaking
and i refuse to understand
and i refuse to be a man
and i refuse to be american
and i refuse to be awake and alive
as the ocean becomes the sand
as we create this ladder to a heaven
that we'll be denied in the fucking end
we'll never have learned our fucking lesson
systematic and cold,
gears broken again and again
i'm driving high, fucking stoned out of my mind
thinking "if i didn't get to choose to be here,
then i can choose to fucking die"
and i'll keep pretending,
just saying that i'm alright
but as the white house lights stay on
i know there'll be no end in sight
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Quilt Monsters Huntington, West Virginia
a punk band from
huntington wv.
fast, angsty, leftist shit.
Derek - Bass/Vox
Brad - Drums
Dane - Guitar/Vox
Devon - Guitar
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